So far this month has been an interesting one; first month of the new year...new beginnings...lots of new thoughts...
Probably the most important aspect of this month, tho, is a lesson that, for me, has been a long time in coming. Something that is very significant to life in general; but mine is particular because it's something that I am sooooo slow to realize!
I'm starting to learn that really, you only get what you worked to achieve. I always used to think that these stories of overnight success from people who never really wanted it was true. I thought that friendships were just always there no matter what; and maybe that if they weren't they hadn't been that great of a relationship to start with.
There's probably some of you reading this who are thinking that that's a pretty screwed up mentality! Well, it is. And I'm just starting to learn that.
I've never forced myself on people...I will have no friends before I force myself upon someone. It makes me uncomfortable to be very forceful about things; if I feel resistance I back off. I've always been 'the wild one' who does what I want...but that doesn't involve other people most of the time.
I'm starting to learn that everything goes two ways. A job goes two ways, a family life goes two ways. I've been learning a lot through this month to speak up. If I want to go to lunch with my best friend, I can do that! I know my mom might not like it a lot (because she's like every mom and always likes it better when I'm here) but that shouldn't change what I do.
I've also been thinking about my relationship with Cory...which might sound crazy, but it's true. I want to make it work so badly, and I'm realizing more and more that a relationship isn't about each person being 50%...just being there. No; a relationship is about both people being 100%...both people contributing.
And in realizing that I realized (just yesterday in fact) how much I was missing in my friendship with my best friend. The friendship got to be WORK where I actually had to THINK about spending time with her...and I pretty much just slacked off instead of going to effort of actually always consciously working on it. And in the same way she kind of backed off cuz she wasn't sure if I wanted to be with her and I wasn't sure if she wanted to be with me and...yea. It kinda fell apart...and it was almost two weeks between when we talked!
Then yesterday I finally got frustrated and talked to her about it; and realized that it was just because we both hadn't been working on it hard enough and it had become a double-edged frustration. I have to say, I felt so guilty! It just seems ridiculous to start loosing something like that simply because I was too lazy to put a real effort into it!!!
I'm going to never do that again, I swear. From this day on I'm going to try and remember to always give 100%, no matter what the other party is giving. That way I'll always be in the plus. It's been 16 years in the working, but I think I've finally learned my lesson. ;)
0 comments:
Post a Comment